Kicking and Biting and Screaming!

This is what my thesis is teaching me:

Life is in this moment.

I am so tempted to say that life will start again when I turn in this massive document. That I will literally never have a reason to be stressed ever again.

But to think that this moment a waiting period for ‘real life’ is a dangerous lie. Time flows so quickly, and we're not guaranteed tomorrow. Life is happening.

Today I bought sunflowers for my office and purple coleslaw for lunch. I listened to music that made me Feel and did Victory Pose in the elevator. And I worked on my effing thesis for four hours before going to the office.

Life is hard, but we can do hard things. 

It is easy to forget, but my grad school years will not be defined by the quality of my thesis. This is a time of growth, of overcoming struggle, of ridiculously happy moments with friends, of giving up and then changing my mind, of life in a pretty city, of laying foundations.

But as much as I appreciate where I am now, I am ready to move on to my next chapter. And I will wrestle with this thesis until the breaking of the day until it lets me go.

My mom sent me an email this morning:  

"You are really blossoming, believe it or not. Not so pretty when that butterfly finds her way out of the chrysalis but worth the wait (and the struggle)! You will be free of your thesis soon - the only way out is through...you can do it!!!!!"

So here's to finding joy now, to doing hard work, and to kicking and biting and screaming our way out of our chrysalises!